The First Appointment

Where do I start?

The appointment was great, better than I had hoped.

There was no blood drawn, only a test to check my hemoglobin. Easy enough.

The first person I got to talk to was a Trans woman.

Dana.

I associate the name Dana with a powerful figure in a fictional world. She’s smart. She’s strong. I felt safe with Dana.

We talked about my life a bit.

When did I realize I was transgender? Who knows about my transition? How am I handling myself out in society?

I answered honestly and even though I still had anxiety, I felt I could be truly myself in that situation.

She even talked about herself and her own experiences, making me feel even better, knowing this woman has shared similar experiences, and could empathize with my dilemmas.

Throughout the session, she referenced several resources for trans people in my area.

A whole packet of papers which I will compile for you all. I know the info will help someone out there.

After my interview with Dana, I saw a nurse who took my vitals. Weight, height, blood pressure, etc. She’s also the lady who checked my hemoglobin. I was asked several questions about my health and medical history, nothing out of the ordinary. There were also the questions of my sexual history and that of my partners. Again, nothing I wasn’t expecting.

Once the nurse was finished bombarding me with questions I waited in the room for a short amount of time and finally saw the doctor.

She was a very kind, almost bubbly person. She talked to me about the risks and side effects, which I will go into another time, and even the expected onset and maximization of the results I will have.

She asked if there was anything I wasn’t aware of, even though I did plenty of research I did not know that some of those results are irreversible. She did a great job of explaining anything I needed explained and then she talked with me about my options.

Shots, pills, creams, patches. She explained the difference between them all and I decided to go with the shot. I even had the option of taking it biweekly or weekly, to which I opted for weekly. She filled the prescription that same day and we made an appointment for a week later for her to show me how to properly give myself my dose.

She also explained that quite often insurances will deny the prescription, so they have social workers who can send out preauthorization letters so that the insurance will cover it. She also said if it doesn’t go through before my appointment that there would be no problem rescheduling.

Overall, the experience was amazing. I was respected and not misgendered and I felt safe the whole time. I would definitely recommend PP for my trans siblings. Hopefully it’ll yield just as good results for you all. I can’t wait to let you all know how the first dose goes!

Advertisements

The path to looking like myself. 

I have an appointment with Planned Parenthood this August to discuss getting on hormones. I want this so badly I feel it in every inch of my bones. I’m so thankful that PP provides services to the trans community. It’s hard to find safe places for these type of discussions.

I knew I wanted to get on HRT before I knew I was a Trans Man. I struggled with my identity but now I know. I know that it’s going to be a long road and that results aren’t immediate. I know that I could get moody and I know it’ll be like going through pueberty all over again.

I’m ready. Now more than ever I am. This seemed so out of reach for so long and I’m nearly there. I’ve come so far and I’m so proud of myself, but I can only imagine what I’ll accomplish and how far I’ll get in the near future.

The last people I told about this was my parents. I even told my conservative coworkers before I told my own flesh and blood. My parents just question everything I do rather than try to understand me and respect me.

Hopefully the copay isn’t too high and hopefully there’s no out of pocket expense. I just want this so bad! Yet I’m no where near financially stable enough to move out of my parents home let alone pay for my transition and my monthly bills. Medical expenses, especially prescriptions can be costly. My insurance doesn’t cover hrt.

The next stop is top surgery. I have never cared for this chest. It was overgrown when I was still quite young and it’s a huge burden to me now. Wearing a binder can be painful. I’ve made sure I have the right size but these fat sacks are just too big to be confined. Having to wear bras makes them extra obvious but there’s no way I could go out without a bra on in public.

My voice and my chest are the two main reasons I’m misgendered so often. The testosterone will take care of my voice and maybe I’ll lose some fat cells in my chest. With enough money eventually I’ll get that top surgery for sure though.

Once i have the appointment I will update you all. I’m going to take a notebook so I can remember all the info they can give me. I want to share my experiences so that hopefully I can help someone else.

If you want to help me fund my top surgery and HRT please visit my YouCaring page located here. Any amount helps. If you can’t spare any coin then I’d ask you to please share my fundraiser. This means a lot to me. Your support is forever appreciated.

Dysphoria

An overwhelming emotion.

A distressed state arising from conflict between a person’s gender and the sex the person has or was identified as having at birth.

What does gender dysphoria look like, what sets it off?

It’s the cringe you feel when your parents call you their “baby girl”

“It’s just a phase.”

It’s “she” and “her.”

“Missy,” “girlie,” and “lady.”

“Mommy, is that a boy or girl?”

The mother always responds, “girl.”

The anguish in the pit of your stomach when a coworker uses the wrong pronouns.

When a customer calls you “ma’am.”

The vomit that makes its way to your throat when someone thinks you’re too feminine to be a man.

It’s the disappointment you feel in yourself for not passing enough,

for not binding enough.

When the state you live in requires you to have surgery before you can change your gender marker on your birth certificate.*

When you only want top surgery and others say you’re not a real man.

It’s the look you give yourself in the mirror after pushing your boobs down into your chest to flatten them.

It’s the thoughts of cutting off those boobs to rid yourself of such a heavy burden

And the thoughts of ridding yourself of all your problems,

At the cost of all your hopes, your dreams and even your life…

*This law has changed as of January 1, 2018. The new law states that a transgender person has to be under some sort of medical supervision with documentation.